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12 Hilarious Failures At Sex Pill Package Design

Selling sexual enhancement pills sounds like the easiest job in the world. You take an explosive adjective, throw it on a box covered in naked people, and BAM! It’s time to start deciding how to spend your profits.

Except it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes, when you’re focusing all your energy on putting out a dubious “sexual enhancement” product, you can’t be bothered to design packaging that makes any kind of sense and/or doesn’t look like the pictorial equivalent of a ransom note.

#12. Stree Overlord Will Let You Bone Like A Street Fighter Character

We haven’t played Street Fighter in a long time, but we’re pretty sure no button combination in existence will produce this result:

Now you know why Blanka is smiling on the Super Nintendo cover.

Despite being a brand of penile supplements, Stree Overlord has the name and the mastery of English of a shitty Street Fighter II bootleg, and it will improve your sex life exactly as much. The box art, meanwhile, is pure “DeviantArt with the NSFW filters off” (in fact, we wouldn’t be surprised if they lifted it from there). Oh, and that’s a leg in the foreground, by the way; using Stree Overlord has not (yet) been proven to cause gigantic penises to erupt from the ground like the monsters from Tremors.

But don’t worry. They came up with a fake history for their dick-swelling pills which reads like an entry from a middle school boy’s wish fulfillment journal:

This unregulated penis supplement has more plot than Street Fighter V.

The official site, meanwhile, only mentions that Stree Overlord was developed by the prestigious “Shenglong Medecine Biology Research Center” (fittingly, Sheng Long means “Rising Dragon Punch”). At least we can all agree that this is a more respectful adaptation than the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.

#11. iScream Is Hauntingly Obsessed With Making Women Scream

Ladies! Do you hate making normal sex noises? Do you want your neighbors to think that you’re being murdered on a roller coaster? Do you want orgasms so potent that you’ll forget how to spell “orgasms?” If so, good news: iScreams are the pills for you!

Although judging by the photos, this could easily be a powerful laxative.

iScream is what happens when Big Pharma has a graphics budget of $0.50 because they hired Eli Roth to write the ad copy. “It’s time to scream … in bed …” sounds like the chilling promise of a serial killer. It doesn’t get any better when you visit their Amazon listing and discover that it consists of little more than stock photos of screaming women, which only seems to confirm their “violent felon” demographic.

“Hey, this looks like my Pinterest board!” — a person you should avoid

#10. Big PENIS Cuts Straight To The Point

Sup, bro? How’s it hanging? If you said “not sufficiently,” then we’ve got a solution for you! All you have to do is choke down a big penis.

Pro tip: If saliva isn’t doing the trick, try washing it down with jelly.

It’s a crazy, messed-up world when the most honest advertising we’ve seen in decades comes from the world of shifty pill vendors. There’s no misunderstanding of what you get from using Big PENIS. There’s no delightful wordplay involving euphemisms like “Solid Oak,” or “Iron Rod,” or “Dense Pencil.” You’re getting a Big PENIS. And not just any Big PENIS. No, Big PENIS comes in an austere metallic box that looks like the slipcase for a Terminator 2 DVD, complete with the flag of the United States. Because thanks to Big PENIS, your junk can now be used as a flagpole, apparently.

Make Big Penis Great Again.

#9. French Ladies Will Flood Your Vagina With “Exiting Water”

The name “French Ladies” brings to mind elegance, class, and sophistication. The packaging does absolutely none of those things, and indeed, only seems interested in reminding women that vaginas exist. You know, in case they forgot.

This is what Jack from Titanic‘s finished drawing would have looked like if he hadn’t died.

However, this product does promise users something called “super constrict vagina,” which is a phrase that demands further investigation. The words “exiting water” only compound the mystery, seemingly suggesting that this is medication for a urinary tract infection. Let’s see how the description checks out:

Uh, so this pill makes you spray “vagina juice” like a fire hose for 20 minutes? There’s an off switch though, right? Let’s keep reading.

Because loud, semiconscious moaning is never a sign of excruciating pain or impending death.

OK, so is this a date rape drug? Because it sure sounds like a date rape drug.

#8. We Really, Really Hope Big Brother Is An Orwell Reference

To its credit, Big Brother doesn’t promise to turn your junk into a monster or transform your sperm into chocolate milk. They’re simply good ol’ fashioned dick extenders.

“Fun for the whole family!”

It’s just … the name, guys. It raises more questions than these pills ever will penises. Why would you ever call your sex drug “Big Brother”? Did the final name come down to a choice between that and “My Sister Is DTF”? If so, why?

Or perhaps we’re misreading this. It’s not incest; it’s a commentary on the surveillance state and how Big Government (a much better name, to be honest) is destroying our privacy. That would explain why there’s a surveillance camera in the top-left corner of the box.

“Slower …”

#7. Daniel Craig And Barack Obama Are Secret Agents Of Male Enhancement

Seeing as how Daniel Craig has reportedly retired from being James Bond, this’d be a great time for him to capitalize on his smoldering looks and get into the penis pill business. Unless, as God Of War suggests, he already did that years ago.

Not that this wouldn’t be in character for Bond.

We can’t blame him. It’s a good career move. After all, what other celebrity has the raw sexual magnetism to spearhead their own line of male enhancements?

“Obama. Aobama.”

That’s fucking right: Barack Obama. These pills were recovered during a drug raid in Pakistan, making this the first time he’s ever deployed a deadly weapon on a civilian population that wasn’t fired from a drone. They could probably do with a rebranding, however. We’d suggest Cum-ander In Chief, and maybe getting some better pictures instead of plagiarizing artwork from a Spider-Man comic.

We mean, there are multiple pornographic Obama manga to choose from.

And while we’re on the subject of superheroes …

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_23934_12-insane-attempts-at-marketing-sex-pills-to-internet.html

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50 Nurses And Doctors Spill The Most Insane Answers Theyve Ever Heard When Asking About Sexual History


1. Busted

“I signed in a sixteen year-old girl who told the doctor ‘I can’t be in labor–I’ve never had sex’ as she gives her Dad a ‘please don’t kill me’ look. Ah, family moments.”
mhornberger

2. Messianic Pregnancies Are Common

“This happened recently at my work. Teen girl presents with abdominal pain and swears up and down that there is no way for her to be pregnant. Doc orders tests and as the lab is drawing blood, the mother asks the doc what he thinks it could be. The doc said ‘well if she claims she couldn’t be pregnant, she might have some kind of tumor or mass growing in her abdomen.’ Haha I love that Doc.

After lab results come back, it appears she is actually pregnant. Ultrasound is ordered and shows a baby that is well developed. Mom is ordered to leave the room and a vaginal exam confirms that her abdominal pain is definitely contractions from active labor.

Patient is still saying that it’s impossible. Doc orders mom from the room and goes in to tell her that no matter what she is trying to say, right now it’s time to grow the fuck up because you are going to be a mother in a few hours.”
Tokenofmyerection

3. Eight Times A Day

“From my time as an Army medic in Germany, circa 2003.

Had a guy report to sick call with ‘personal’ filled out on his sick call slip. Ninety nine percent of the time, this means STD or something wrong with the reproductive bits.

I was the fortunate one to pull his chart for screening. I got him into the exam room, got him to verbalize exactly what ‘personal’ reason he was in the aid station for. It was sores on his penis.

Ok.

I start prepping the culture swab, and continue getting the history. How long he had the sores, when he last had sex, any burning or irritation while urinating.

Wait, you haven’t had sex? What about sexual contact, to include oral, anal, genital on genital?

What the fuck are the sores from? . How much?

Our PA ended up sending him back with a profile to his chain of command prohibiting masturbation more than once a day.”
taws34

4. A Rough Encounter

“Patient came in for difficulty with walking due to pain. When pressed, he admitted that he had someone forearm deep in him a week prior from a rough encounter. Sent him to a specialist, turns out his pubic symphysis was inflamed and might have a stress fracture. Oddly, when results were given to him, he made it clear that it was worth it.”
russelg000

5.Hazard Of The Profession

“As a Med student in an STD clinic in Miami I asked a lady how many sexual partners she had. ‘Honey, I get paid to fuck. I got no clue.’ She got all the antibiotics.”
Dan-z-man

6. It All Started With Stacy…

“My favorite was this young guy maybe in his twenties, comes in and on the form he circled the ‘sexual history’ part drew an arrow to the back. Then on the back it read ‘it all began back in the eighth grade with Stacy…’ He continued on to fill half the page up with his sexual history.

I’m pretty sure he did it only because he had to wait so long.”
xenogensis

7. A Virgin’s Aspirations

“When I was thirteen I responded ‘yes’ when the nurse asked me if I was sexually active. She then asked when was the last time I had sex to which I uncomfortably answered that I have never had sex.

I thought masturbation counted.”
jiggle_the_handle

8. Selina

“Navy Hospital Corpsman here. After my ship pulled into Cyprus for a 3 day liberty port, I had a line about 10 people deep of sailors and marines in medical looking to see the doc. The first two presented with the same discharge and swelling and stuff (turned out to be a rather nasty clap/chlamydia combo) and when I dove deeper I found out they went to the same brothel. A little deeper and found they even saw the same girl. So 4 people in, same deal. When the next one walked in all I asked, with raised eyebrows ‘Selina?’ (supposed lady’s name) And with a subtle and ashamed confirmatory nod they sat on the table ready for the dreaded bore punch. 5/9 people I treated that day went to the same lady.”
CrimeanCrusader

9. Self Diagnosis

“During my clinicals in school, I had an ER rotation.

Now, I like the ER, it’s exciting and you see some really weird shit.

I was baptized in the weird-shit puddle by a fourteen year-old chick who came in with abdominal pain.

So my preceptor (this was early in clinicals) is doing his thing and asking medical history, when he asks her if she was sexually active. She says yes, preceptor asks last sexual encounter (thinking something was up), to which she responds ‘right before I came here.’

So, preceptor asks if she can describe the nature of her pain.

She says yes.

‘It’s probably from the cucumber in my ass.’

You fucking whut?

Turns out, she had a cucumber in her ass.”
a_Mazing_Nurse

10. Doesn’t Exactly Inspire Confidence

“I was in active labor, pushing a tiny human being from my body, when a well-meaning medical student asked me if I had any history of sexual activity.”
Cheesethehamster

11. A Wife’s Revenge

“My wife works in a hospital. She told me a story about a patient that presented with constipation (three days) and rectal pain. An examination found he had a rotting cucumber up his ass, which he claimed no knowledge of. Turns out he was not lying.

He had recently returned from an extended trip away from home during which he had contracted a venereal disease, which he had passed along to his wife following his return. Rather than confront him with his misdeeds, his wife decided to go straight to retribution. So she drugged his dinner one night, then administered the coup de concombre, so to speak.

Of all the possible visuals that come to mind when I think of this story, the one that I enjoy most is the wife, at the store, picking out the cucumber. ‘Yeah, this is the one…’”
keenly_disinterested

12. A Simple Misunderstanding

“‘When was your last prostate exam?’

‘I don’t have one.’

‘They removed it?’

‘No I have a vagina.’

‘Oh. Ohhhhh.’”
medikit

13. Yes, Yes They Do

“A woman came in with inflammation of the vulva and when I asked about her sexual history, she said ‘do dildos count?’”
sacrilicious_sk

14. “Dried Up For Years”

“Not a nurse but a former phlebotomist/health historian for the largest blood collection organization. One of donors was an older lady. Maybe early 70’s. There were 5-10 sexual history questions in a row. In the middle of them she blurts out, ‘Hhoney, I’ve been dried up for years. Nobody has been diggin in this for a long time.’”
moonboots333

15. You Just Never Know Who’s Freaky

“I’m a doctor and not a nurse, but the funniest example of this I’ve experienced was being ripped into by my attending back in medschool for asking a detailed sexual history on an elderly woman. Her husband and my attending were also in the exam room at the time. My attending had known them for the past 15 years and this couple had been married for like 50. After my attending stopped mocking me for, “asking about all that new crazy stuff, I’ve known Mr. and Mrs. X for years!” the patient proceeded to tell me that she and her husband were swingers and she had multiple male and female partners into her 70s. I wish I could have taken a picture of his face at that moment and hung it on my wall forever.”
viridianlion

16. Gotta Keep Active

‘I worked in a medical call center and had to survey patients taking certain drugs. We asked if they were sexually active (company was worried about libido-inhibiting side effects).

Best answer I heard was ‘Yes, but don’t tell my spouse.’”
refubeegee

17. A Memorable Trip To The Strip Club

“Army Combat Medic here, one guy came in with a very swollen eye that had been getting worse. As it turns out, the guy went to a fully nude strip club Saturday night and had a great time with the women there. So much fun, that one stripper shoved her snatch in his eager face. The next day, his eye was puffy, by Monday morning sick call, it was so swollen he couldn’t open his eye, and the erythema and edema was spreading over that half of his face. It was pretty jarring to look at.

PA sent him for emergency surgery, and this is where I arrive at the point of this story. After draining his eye and flushing it, they looked for any particulate that could have caused the irritation… and they found a crab.

Well, the stripper had crabs, so when she shoved dudes face into her vagina, some crabs took a journey into his eye and got stuck beneath his eyelid.

It was this guy’s first time going to a strip club too, but it sure as fuck wasn’t his last.”
Ginjedai

18. Best. Description. Ever.

“When I was in nursing school we had these questionnaire things we had to ask our patients for homework. Most of the questions were pretty simple and basic like family medical history or what current medication they were taking etc etc etc and it was designed to get us used to asking questions and to begin to develop rapport with the patient. Well since this was my first year of nursing school I was still felt little awkward asking the ‘sex questions’ and was nervous when I came around to these questions when interviewing an 85 year old man whose wife was sitting right next to him. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: So..umm sir some of these next questions may be a bit personal and if you are too uncomfortable answering them you can just tell me and we can move on.

Internal me: (please be uncomfortable oh please oh please oh please)

Him: Sure! Go ahead. You need to know all this stuff for your career! Ask away!

Internal me: (Damn…)

Usually there were 5 or 6 questions that i would ask but today I could only get past this one question.

Me: OK sir. Are you and your wife still sexually active?

Him: (Looks up at me, then the ceiling, then to his wife and says) ‘sweetie? How would you describe our sex life?

Wife (without missing a beat): Oh probably that you jumped on a wild hog at the ripe age of 19 and are still hanging on for dear life. (then she leans closer to me and whispers) I try to buck him off every night but he keeps hanging on (then she winks).

I almost died of laughter. Best response ever.”
ArgentinianNorse

19. It Tastes Different

“My Doctor told me a story once… a bit off topic here but awe well.. Back when they first started performing Vasectomy’s, Doctors had to call their patients back for standard followup questioning a number of weeks after the procedure. He told me he got the same answers from all of the couples he interviewed. Any Sensation change? -No, Any performance Change? – No… etc. this went on and on… until one day, he asked a couple if there were anything different after the procedure. Any changes at all…. The wife said YES… There is a huge difference since he had the surgery. My Doc was very surprised and when he inquired further the wife said… ‘It tastes different’… O-o He said it was all he could do to keep from laughing as he made the note of “Seminal fluid tastes different after procedure.’”
Comax

20. Semen Allergy

“Not a doc, but when I went to my allergist to discuss an allergy to semen be had to ask me very in depth questions about each encounter. I had to tell an old kind man about how my boyfriend’s cum turned my face red and itchy.”
sphb17

21. Can’t Be Pregnant, No Sex For Six Months…

“I was around 8 months pregnant and working as an ER nurse. I had a very round, beach ball-esque obviously pregnant belly going on. A woman came in with the chief complaint of lower abdominal pain that came in waves, and also reported experiencing a clear liquid discharge that she said felt like she peed her pants, but point-blank denied being pregnant (she had a big sweatshirt and jacket on at first). She came back to me and changed into her gown with me in the room, and clearly she was visibly pregnant, and my immediate suspicion was that she was in labor. I point-blank asked if she was pregnant and she looked at me bewildered and stated she couldn’t be because she hadn’t had sex ‘in over six months.’ I asked her when the last time she was sexually active, and she reported “sometime in September,” which was sometime around my own date of conception. Being that she’s not grasping it yet, I point to her belly and then my own and say “how long has your belly looked like my belly?” My hope is it would kind of be a “look in the mirror” wake up call, but it didn’t work. She said she had just been feeling “bloated” over the last few months. She didn’t believe she was pregnant until the ER resident did a bedside ultrasound to find the baby’s heart rate. She was in labor, and went upstairs to L&D. Oh, and she had her ten year old daughter with her.”
sphb17

22. Touche’

“My friend answered his doctor once by just saying ‘I go to an engineering school.’”
PiLamdOd

23. Infected Penis Wound

“So I was taking care of a guy who had an infected wound on his penis. He didn’t get it checked out right away, picked at it and tried to take care of it without having to see a doc, because of course that’s embarrassing to a lot of people. Finally he realized things were not going well and he ended up admitted to the hospital with a horrible wound. Bad enough a surgeon had to go in, remove some dead tissue, and we, the nurses, got to change the dressing twice a day. This wound was the type that had to have gauze placed in the wound bed, called “packing”. It’s painful and uncomfortable for patients no matter where the wound is, but you can imagine how this poor fellow felt about it.

He told his doc he wasn’t sexually active. So the first night I take care of him, as I’m doing the dressing change, I ask him if he has any questions. Eventually he’ll go home and have to do that himself, so while doing wound care I typically narrate what I’m doing and make sure patients can ask questions. Because of the nature of this wound, I had pre-medicated him with some IV narcotic, so he was a little loopy.

He tells me he just can’t figure out why he has this wound. So I start going through some standard questions. Do you have any other infected wounds, are you around anyone who has infected wounds. Come to discover, he had been regularly getting some hand jobs from a gal who was a meth head and who had some open wounds on her face and forearms. I told him that’s where he likely got it from, and he responded “but I wasn’t rubbing my dick on her arms or her face!”

So I said ‘no, but she probably touched or picked at those sores before she jerked you off. If she didn’t wash her hands well between touching her sores and giving you a hand job, she spread those germs to you.’ He had no clue. He had no idea he should have included this information in his sexual history, and he had no practical understanding of how germs are spread.

But please remember the entire scene. I’ve got this guy’s penis in my gloved hand, cleaning and packing this bad wound that doesn’t smell great, has a little yucky drainage, and I’m discussing jerking off and hand jobs. Im down within a foot or so of his penis, because his wound tunnels a bit and I’ve got to use a Q-tip and delicately stuff this gauze tape into a sensitive area. I’m a moderately attractive gal about his age. I wasn’t embarrassed, I’m a matter of fact sort of person and I wanted this guy to understand how to take care of himself and stay clean. He wasn’t embarrassed, he really wanted to understand and he was also high on fentanyl. But it was a little absurd and made me laugh in retrospect, because I assume most people don’t handle other people’s genitals or talk about hand jobs at work.”
123poppy

24. A History Unlike Any Other

“‘Encyclopedic’ was the reluctant response a nurse friend once told me she received from the wife of a well known local Baptist minister. She was well into her 70’s and had recently celebrated her and her husband’s 50th wedding anniversary. When asked to clarify, she admitted to being unfaithful to her husband with over 1000 men, and several hundred women. Her most recent escapade had been the previous day.”
toughshit

25. I Think Most Can Relate

“When I would donate plasma one question was ‘have you ever had sex in exchange for money or drugs?’ I replied ‘no just, attention.’ The nurse laughed so hard she had to excuse her self for a minute or too.”
original_greaser_bob

26. The One Kind Of Birth Control That’s 100% Effective

“Paramedic here. I once asked a 20 year old female with abdominal pain:

ME:’Are you sexually active?’
HER: ‘Yes’
ME: ‘Any chance you’re pregnant?’
HER: ‘Absolutely not, I could never be pregnant.’
ME: ‘Not all birth control is 100% effective.’
HER: ‘Mine is.’
ME: ‘What kind of birth control is it?’
HER: ‘Um…lesbianism.’”
CEPTyler

27. “Not That Kind Of Discharge, Sir”

“Medical school in Philadelphia. I was in surgery clinic and going through the ‘review of systems’ and like any good med student covering every system possible as I was seeing this 72 year old African American guy. ‘Any discharge from your penis sir?’ With a smile, he exclaims ‘Not in about 12 years!’ Took me half a second then I cracked up and said, ‘not that kind sir, but you’re hilarious.’”
flanker14

28. You’re Obviously Miscarrying

“My friend called a nurse hotline because she was having horrible, horrible menstrual cramps.

‘You must be having a miscarriage,’ they said.
‘I really don’t think so.’ she replied.
‘Are you sexually active?’ they asked.
‘Yes, yes I am.’ she said.
‘Well, then you are obviously having a miscarriage.’ they insisted.
‘I’m a lesbian.’ replied my friend.
‘Oh. Well. Would you like to speak to one of our LGBT staff?’”
Fabgrrl

29. Outlook Favorable

“I gave a new gyno one of her favorite responses to ‘Currently sexually active?’ I had recently started seeing someone so we weren’t quite there yet so I said ‘Outlook favorable.’”
BraveLilToaster42

30. She Was Very Religious

“Not a nurse but I work in a hospital and this story was too great to pass up telling. so I watch cardiac monitors for a living. we had this 18-21 yr old female don’t remember exactly age. But she was in for asthma problems and we also watch O2. So apparently this girl was from a very religious family and told the nurses and doctors that no she was not sexually active and never has been. She was going to a local college and was brought in by someone who we were told was her ‘cousin’.

She gets admitted. About 230 in the morning her heart rate goes up to like the 150s- 160s and her O2 us at like 85% (that’s really bad for a anyone when they are supposed to be asleep and at rest). So I get up and run to go check on the patient turns out her cousin stayed the night. So here I come bursting into this room with like two nurses while this girl is like eyeballs deep on her ‘cousin’s’ penis and when the door bursts open and the lights go on he got startled jumped forward and causes her to immediately vomit all over him. I turn to the nurses and say ‘well at least it wasn’t a cardiac event’ and leave so I could fall to the floor laughing. And I believe the she checked out soon after that.”
ILookAtHeartsAllDay

31. How Do You Make The Sex?

“I worked in an infertility clinic. We had a young couple who came to the clinic to get pregnant. We could not find a cause for their infertility: both were young and in text book perfect health. We brought them in to give them the test results (all infertility investigations were normal) and to give them the treatment plan. The nurse saw them first and came out with an odd look. She said ‘just trust me on this, but you need to go tell them about the birds and the bees’ I was all WTF and she said ‘it’s just a gut feeling I have.’ So I did. I prefaced my talk by saying ‘I’m going to tell you some information. Please save your questions till I’m done.’ Then I gave them detailed and explicit instructions on what they needed to do to do it. Both looked shocked at first, then deeply embarrassed. Neither met my eye and both left the clinic without another word. Next visit: pregnant. I do not know what they were doing to this day but all’s well that ends well.”
roadtohealthy

32. Well, There It Is

“I had to ask an 80 yr old patient about her form of birth control. Her answer: my age.”
Clap4boobies

33. “Feeding The Baby”

“My wife was working her OB/GYN rotation when a pregnant woman, who already had three kids and a master’s degree in something, quietly asked the doctor after her husband had left: ‘Dr. my husband tells me that when we’re, y’know, intimate, that he’s feeding the baby. I feel stupid for asking, but is that true?’

The doc must have really ruined that husband’s life. I just imagine the husband using this line: ‘Well, honey, I don’t wanna do it anymore than you do, but we gotta feed that baby.’”
demusdesign

34. The Hairbrush

“As a student, I was working in a rural underserved community hospital and had a 13 year old patient come in with her mom for ‘vaginal smell’ which she said people noticed at school. I then preceded to ask about sexual history (patient gave me permission to ask in front of parent). I asked if she was sexually active and she said ‘no.. well with my hair brush.’

Mom seemed to have been well aware of this and then began describing her daughters vaginal smell as well as discharge in great detail.”
dirtstar19

35. Mishearing The Question

“Ex girlfriend got sprained ankle playing soccer, got asked if she was sexually active at hospital, except she didn’t hear the ‘sexually’ part, so she thought she was asked ‘are you active?’ She answered, ‘of course I’m active, how do you think I hurt my ankle?’”
Ruhlmdc

36. Doctor Pity

“I recently went to the doctor. She was a rather young female doctor, likely late 30’s. I’m 24. She asked me if I was sexually active, and I told her no, and that’ I’ve never had sex. She proceeded to give me the look my mom used to give me when I was a kid, when I used to fall on my ass pretending to be Superman around the house. That look of pity, mixed with a little bit of amusement.

It didn’t help that she began telling me (instead reminding me of what precautions I should take or the benefits of safe sex, which would’ve been the safe thing to do), how surprised she was someone like me went through all of college not having sex, how she greatly admires my ability to remain abstinent, how I will definitely lose it to a nice girl someday, and that more guys need to be like me.

Yeah, as if that look she gave me before she said all that wasn’t awkward enough.”
Sundari108

37. A Strong Argument For Sex Ed

“(Mother is Nurse. This was her answer) A man in his mid 20’s came to the hospital ER with several complaints (she can’t recall exactly what they were but they called for inquiring about sexual history). She asked if he had ever been diagnosed with an STD and he said ‘No’. She asked him if he was on any medication and he said ‘No’. She went on to prepare to draw his blood and she typically doesn’t put on gloves until she’s ready to insert the needle bc bare fingers make it easier to feel veins. He then says “I hope you’re going to wear gloves. I was diagnosed with HIV a few months back. One night stand.”

At first she thought he was nervous about needles and making bad jokes to compensate (very common) but when she looked at him he was dead serious. She said ‘You told me you’d never been diagnosed with an STD’ to which he replied ‘I have HIV, not STD!’

My mother decided it was the doc’s job to explain that one, but then asked ‘You said you weren’t on any medications, but your doctor must have you on meds for the HIV, right?’ His response? ‘Well I was for a few weeks but they made me feel sick. I’m waiting until I feel sick from the HIV before I go back on them.’

As unprofessional as it was my mother instinctively rolled her eyes bc she just didn’t know where to even begin with this guy. Before going to fetch the doctor she asked one more question, ‘Are you using protection every time you have sex?’ Response ‘Yup. Last 2 girls I slept with were on the pill. I’m not stupid, I don’t want a baby with HIV.’

Needless to say the doctor had a LONG, basic sex-ed talk with him and my mother spent almost an hour on the phone with the Health Dept just trying to convince them this guy was for real and getting them the info they needed to inform his poor partners.”
DeaditeQueen

38. A Good Story Is Born

“I had my family GP ask me (about 16) if I was sexually active while in the middle of giving me a testicular exam. I responded with ‘depends, does this count?’

He laughed really hard, my balls still in hand. He finished up, went outside, and I immediately heard him telling all of the nurses.”
Duranimal

39. Just Really Gross

“I was working at a public urgent care clinic in a lower income area and had a guy tell me he had a vacation in the Philippines that was basically a gay sex vacation with prostitutes.

His main issue was that since then he had experienced a ‘tickling’ sensation over his butt hole and I sort of dismissed the guy as crazy in my head just by his mannerisms and dress.

Sure enough, he said that he read it could be pinworm which can be diagnosed by placing a piece of scotch tape on the anus and seeing what sticks to it.

Guess what happened next? He pulled the tape out of his pocket and there were dead worms, pubes and ‘stuff’ on it. That was a horrible but memorable patient encounter.”
ICUDOC

40. The Next Thing You Know…

“There was this husband and wife combo in the exam room for an STD complaint. Taking the history from the husband I had to ask how he contracted the possible disease. He goes, ‘It was the funniest thing. I was getting a massage then the next thing you know this guy is fucking me in the ass.’ The wife left the room she was so angry, I took my note and left.”
Jones_mon

41. The Cocaine May Have Still Been In His System

“Emergency nurse here. Most favorite happened only a few weeks ago. A very good looking clean man in a suit came in with a 10inch dildo up his butt. Like very high up his rectum. It was one of those dildos with a ball sack attached and this guy has the whole thing even the balls up there….. It seems him and his girlfriend took a shit ton of cocaine then decided to ‘play’. I had to ask him why it seemed like a good idea to put it there and his response was “it was like everest the attempt had to be made for the good of man kind”. The cocaine might still have been in his system. Anyway I learnt lots of this that day such as silicone can be seen on x-ray and the inside of the rectum is negative pressure. The doctor could get his hand up there but the pressure he couldn’t actually pull it out….. Few enemas and pushing later it was far enough down that the doctor could help this man give his to a bright neon blue ‘baby.’”
Lisybug

42. Sexual History Revealed

“I went to an Urgent Care once with my girlfriend (now ex) and since we both had the same sore throat we just sat in on each other’s appointments. Midway through the nurse pulled me into the hallway and told me she had come in with a different guy the day before getting treatment for scabies. It was true. She had been cheating on me and got busted by the nurse.”
llIllIIlllIIlIIlllII

43. Mom Jokes

“While trying to diagnose abdominal pain-
‘Any risky sexual behavior?’
‘Ma’am I’m 25 and I have 2 kids, I consider any sex quite risky.’”
thoooper

44. Grandpa’s Still Got It

“Not a nurse, but used to work at a hospital. Best I ever heard was:

‘Tell me about your sexual history.’ ‘Well, I’ve never been great at history, but I’m picking up some sexual in this room.’

Doctor was a cute, mid 20’s female, patient was an almost 80 year old man. It was creepy, awesome, and hilarious all at once.”
WhiteFrog89

45. A Blatant Liar

“Syphilis story time! Pull up a chair, kids.

Guy (ostensibly straight, married, monogamous) comes to clinic with his very upset wife. He has braces on his teeth. His orthodontist saw him earlier in the week for some concerning oral lesions. I give the orthodontist lots of credit here: he was the one who tested the patient for syphilis in the first place, and bingo, came up positive.

Now, syphilis does not come from the syphilis fairy. It’s transmitted through sex (or being born to someone with syphilis), and requires contact with the contagious lesions (chancre in the primary stage, or oral/genital lesions in the secondary stage). This guy’s mouth lesions are what are known as mucous patches. He also had a healing chancre in his mouth. The chancre forms at the place where the syphilis bacteria enters the body. So, pretty clearly, guy contracted this during oral sex that he performed on somebody.

Where we live, syphilis is found almost exclusively among men who have sex with men. Like, almost zero cases here in people who have vaginas. So I highly doubt that dude got this from his wife (who is also swearing she has no other sexual partners, and by the fact that she is bawling and very angry at her husband, I am quite inclined to believe her). Basically, I see no way in my medical judgment that dude could get this from anything besides sucking dick.

But we always ask a thorough history, so instead of writing him off as a down-low dude who is cheating on his wife, I ask him:

‘Sir, can you tell me how you got syphilis?’

What I get next I could not make up, not ever, no matter how hard I might try.

Dude tells me that one night he is riding the bus home from work. He’s minding his own business when a group of teenagers on the bus proceed to start shit with him. Calling him names, inviting him to fight them, etc. My patient feels that it’s relevant to tell me what race the kids are (clearly not the same race he is, and he needs to tell me this several times). Apparently the situation with the teenagers escalates and they stand up and approach him. One of the kids gets up in his face…

And kisses him.

Not punches him, not spits on him, and definitely not sticks his dick in Guy’s mouth. Just kisses him, and runs off the bus.

Now, unless this kiss lasted a looooooong time, and his alleged assailant sucked on his lips for a good chunk of time, there is no fucking way this is how dude contracted syphilis.

But as a health care provider, my job is to ally with my patient and to provide him with care. So I hold my tongue, resist the urge to tell this guy that he is a blatant fucking liar, and provide him with the appropriate course of treatment for his syphilis. Oh, and test him for everything else, because I don’t trust this motherfucker AT ALL. And apparently he thinks I am stupid too, because he told me this story in full.

Did I mention that his wife is trying to get pregnant with him? And they’ve been having sex regularly since the time he got infected? And now she also has syphilis?

I don’t know what happened with the two of them, but I sure hope she left him. He’s a piece of shit.

Anyway. I’m poly and queer myself, and I have absolutely no problem, personally, with someone having multiple partners of any gender. My problem here is the fact dude is lying. To his wife as well as to his healthcare provider. Sigh.

There you have it. My best story about STDs!”
polly_enmity

46. The Love Board

“I had a very large woman that had a slivers of wood in her skin that were starting to get infected and when asked about the slivers, she replied ‘That is from my love board.’

‘What is a love board?’ I asked…

‘That is the board that my husband uses to push up my fat so that we can have sex.’

…..yorf.”
ihearttatertots

47. The Two Bottle Rule

“Obligatory “not me but” (I was in the room). GF goes in for intestinal pain. Very patient middle-aged Doc asks standard questions:

‘Sexually active?’ – GF: Yep ‘Frequently’ – GF: Yep ‘ok…Anal sex?’ GF: ‘After two bottles of wine Doc anything goes.’

Laughs ensue. If he was white I’d say the doctor was blushing.”
VAJAYNUS

48. Doc Disapproves

“Worst joke I ever made during a physical exam for football:

Doctor: ‘What’s your sexual history?’
Me: ‘Mostly 5’s and 6’s. I had a 7 once.’

He did not laugh. He just looked at me with a frown.”
StarbuckPirate

49. Rough TP

“Guy comes into the ED complaining of rectal bleeding. Pretty standard. I get blood from him and assist the doc as he performs a rectal exam. Doc doesn’t notice any hemorrhoids but notes some light tearing typical with a patient wiping too hard. Tells the patient to chill out on the TP. Patient responds, ‘Yea, my TP is pretty rough.’

A few hours later the patient has a male visitor. I introduce myself and ask who the visitor is and how he knows the patient. Patient looks at me and says, ‘This is the TP I was telling you about earlier.’

Took me a minute to understand what he was saying, then had to excuse myself from the room as I could no longer remain professional.”
ChaplnGrillSgt

50. Old People Are The Sauciest

“Nursing student here. My new all time favorite happened earlier today when I asked a new 92 year old man the dreaded question.

‘So sir, as these questions are generic to each patient I have to ask: Do you have any worries about your sexuality?’

To which he replied: ‘Yeah, I don’t get enough of the sex part.’

The look on his wife’s face was priceless.”
Sexytimeswithbae

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/eric-redding/2016/09/50-nurses-and-doctors-spill-the-most-insane-answers-theyve-ever-heard-when-asking-about-sexual-history/

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Where the Mexico City Policy matters the most

(CNN)

She has five children and works as a farmer in Budadiri, Uganda, east Africa.
“I want to look after my children,” Mudua says. “But I am a woman alone, and any time a man could force me into sex and I could get pregnant.”
Women like Mudua, thousands of miles away from Washington and the White House, are the ones starting to feel the reverberations of US President Donald Trump’s Mexico City Policy, reintroduced in January amid a slew of executive orders from the newly inaugurated President.
Mudua currently receives her contraception from Marie Stopes Uganda, a non-profit that provides family planning advice and sexual health services across the country.
“I’m going to be OK because I will not have to give birth to a child I don’t want on my own,” she says.
But for Mudua and others like her, things are about to change.
Named after the venue of the conference where it was first announced by President Ronald Reagan in 1984, the Mexico City Policy, also known as the “global gag rule” withholds American aid (USAID) from any international non-governmental organizations that offer women advice on abortion.
Marie Stopes Uganda says that 94% of its outreach work, which aims to bring contraception to women in rural and remote areas, is funded by USAID.
It estimates that these funds will start to dry up around September, which over the next three years could result in an extra 1.1 million unwanted pregnancies in Uganda alone.

‘US funds never used for abortions’

Any criticism leveled at the President for the manner in which he signed the order (surrounded by a group of white men) or the potential impact on global health services was drowned out by the widespread condemnation and confusion that met Trump’s controversial travel ban announced three days later.
Meanwhile, governments, NGOs and health organizations on the ground have been coming to grips with the far-reaching consequences of the policy, which experts say will have little to no impact on the number of abortive procedures.
“United States government funds have never been used for abortions,” says Tewodros Melesse, director general of International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF).
“Even during the Obama administration or Clinton administration, it was not possible to use US funds for abortion.”
NGOs that performed the procedure could receive US funding for other programs, though, including those related to contraception and sexual health.
Now organizations that offer abortions as part of their family planning services — or even refer patients to other clinics that can perform abortions — will be prevented from receiving any assistance at all from the US Agency for International Development, one of the largest contributors to international development assistance.
Melesse says it’s going to have a huge impact. “We’re going to be losing around 100 million US dollars over the next three to four years.”

‘Unequivocal’ evidence

Major reproductive care NGO Marie Stopes International says complying and removing safe abortion from its services isn’t an option.
The evidence is “unequivocal,” says Marjorie Newman-Williams, Marie Stopes’ vice president and director of international operations, that doing so would expose women to increased potential dangers.
According to the latest WHO data, 21.6 million women annually are so desperate that they gamble with the risk of life-threatening injuries or even death to have unsafe abortions. Every year 47,000 women die from complications.
“Agreeing to the Mexico City Policy would mean accepting their fate and turning our backs on the very women who need us most,” says Newman-Williams.
In 2003, shortly after the policy was last introduced by George W. Bush, the Center for Reproductive Rights published a report highlighting horror stories from women who’d sought out surgery from the wrong practitioners.
In one example, a poor 17-year-old house help wanted to terminate her pregnancy.
The person she went to see “did not know the anus from the vagina,” one Kenyan NGO reported. “He destroyed her anus, rectum, uterus and some of the small intestine.”

Contraception conundrum

Newman-Williams says that laws attempting to stop women from having abortions don’t work because they don’t stop the need for women to have abortions in the first place.
And, paradoxically, as NGOs lose funding and are less able to provide contraception, the number of unwanted pregnancies is only likely to increase, which drives up the demand for abortions.

Washington-based Impassioned Advocates for Girls and Women reports that after the last reinstatement of the policy in 2001, shipments of US-donated condoms and contraceptives completely stopped to 16 developing countries — mainly in Africa.
Family planning providers in another 16 countries (also mainly in Africa) lost access to condoms and contraceptives because they refused to accept the conditions of the Mexico City Policy.
One healthcare worker on the ground in Uganda told CNN she currently issues contraceptive injections to between 30 and 50 women a month.
“Women will walk for many miles to a health clinic and find that they cannot provide the services,” says Reproductive Health Uganda (RHU) volunteer Akiiki Jemimah Mutooro. RHU anticipates it will lose $420,000 in funding.
“If we are unable to continue this service, many women will lose out.”
The reduction in access to contraception will also have a profound impact on the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, including the battle with HIV, according to IPPF.
“All the effort the United States has made over the years to support funding for HIV Aids initiatives is going to be affected by telling organizations who have received funding … that they cannot inform the patient about abortion,” says Melesse.

She decides?

Sub-Saharan Africa is likely to be one of the hardest-hit regions, says Marie Stopes International’s director of strategy, Maaike van Min.
It’s the largest recipient of American aid and already has more abortion-related deaths than any other continent.
She says a lot of work is being done on domestic financing, but social welfare systems are still in their infancy across much of the developing world and there are competing priorities for scarce resources. “It will be a challenge to try to meet the funding gap,” she says.
In February, dozens of governments and private philanthropists pledged hundreds of millions of dollars to a global fundraising initiative called She Decides, launched by Dutch Development Minister Lilianne Ploumen.
In 2002, the European Commission came forward and said it wanted to make up the shortfall after Bush’s reinstatement of the policy. This was an important move, says Melesse, because it proved “the US cannot tell the world how women’s health and sexual reproductive health should be handled.”
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer says President Trump has always made it very clear that he’s pro-life and he’s staying true to his pre-election promises.
“He wants to stand up for all Americans, including the unborn, and I think the reinstatement of this policy is not just something that echoes that value, but respects taxpayer funding as well,” Spicer said in a press briefing at the time.
In January, Republican Congressman Chris Smith, chair of the Congressional Pro-Life Caucus, lauded the move in a press release.
“Organizations like Marie Stopes International and the International Planned Parenthood Federation have reported performing over 1 million abortions annually,” Smith said, citing a January 2017 poll where 83% of American respondents said they opposed US tax dollars being used to support abortion abroad — but omitting that in the same poll 52% of Americans also said they were pro-choice.
The deprivation of this choice for women in less-privileged circumstances is what jars with Melesse the most.
“This government is coming and telling the rest of the world: you cannot have the democracy that the United States has,” he says. “That’s really the most critical part.”

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/28/africa/mexico-city-policy-impact/index.html

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What Im really thinking: the dental hygienist

The worst thing is the disrespect some people show by not cleaning their teeth or by eating just before seeing me

You may think youre coming in just for a clean but its my job to check your oral cavity for lesions, your teeth for caries and your gums for periodontal disease, and to provide advice to get you to full oral health. Many a joke is made about relaxing in the chair. I call it the comfy chair; it breaks the tension. I know its not the most pleasant experience, so I try to alleviate the worry by explaining the emotions people feel as they lie back. After all, I am exposing your vulnerable, soft places your belly and chest and instinct prompts the nervous patient to cross their arms. Then, as I start the treatment, I am right there in your personal space, wearing a mask and glasses another uncomfortable feeling for you.

I like my job and people mostly leave feeling better, wiser and yes cleaner. I dont mind how bad your teeth are, its bloody satisfying getting a load of tartar off, leaving smooth enamel to rub your tongue around instead of rough rock. But I have feelings too; I cant help looking at your blackheads and up your nose at your nasal hair (or worse). You cant blame me: I have excellent lighting.

I find it rather creepy when your tongue follows my instruments and irritating when it nudges them out of the way, and when you look me in the eye as I move into your vision. And why, all of a sudden, cant you swallow your own saliva? But the worst thing is the disrespect some people show by not cleaning their teeth or by eating just before seeing me. Id never say it, but I so want to ask: Would you leave another bodily cavity in the same condition if you were visiting your gynaecologist for a smear test or a urologist for a prostate exam? I dont think so.

Tell us what youre really thinking email mind@theguardian.com

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/sep/17/what-really-thinking-dental-hygienist

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‘I know he is alive’: wife of Taiwan activist seized by China pleads for release

Lee Ming-che has been detained by Beijing authorities amid a targeting of activists, dissidents and scholars based abroad

The wife of a Taiwanese human rights activist detained in China for over a month without charge has vowed to take her fight for justice to the US and European Union, urging them to pressure Beijing to release him.

It has now been 40 days since Lee Ching-yus partner, best friend and confidante suddenly disappeared while travelling to visit friends in Guangzhou, southern China.

Beijing, which views democratic Taiwan as a renegade province, admitted only after 10 days that Lee Ming-che, 42, a community college worker known for supporting human rights, had been detained for allegedly threatening national security.

He is feared to be the latest victim of an escalation in Chinas repression of rights and free speech.

It is only through international support that we can force a country that encroaches on human rights to stop this action, Lee Ching-yu told The Guardian in her first interview with the British press. She intends to seek help in Washington DC and Brussels next month.

Under standard Chinese criminal law, Lees husband should have been charged or released on Monday, after 37 days in custody.

Instead, her hopes of a speedy resolution were shattered on Wednesday when Chinas Taiwan affairs office announced that Lee was still under investigation, that his health was good, and that he has clearly explained the relevant situation to his family in a letter.

The letter, which contained scant information, was delivered in early April by an unofficial middleman Lee Ching-yu did not know whether to trust.

It was my husbands handwriting but he made no connection with me, she said. He did not write that letter voluntarily.

Lee, also 42, has struggled largely alone, with the support of a few local activists, to uncover the truth.

With little government support, she has fended off unidentified brokers offering help through unofficial channels.

One suggested her silence and inaction might buy her husbands freedom, or at least spare him the humiliation of a video confession. But Lee has refused to strike a backroom deal.

She is defiant but the strain of her ordeal has made her visibly more gaunt and she frequently fights back tears. I have to keep a strong face in front of the media, but when I see my husbands photo I get very emotional, she said.

The couple met at college 20 years ago and were drawn to each other through a shared passion for human rights.

Lee Ching-yu became a researcher at the Shin Ming-te foundation, studying the history of Taiwans own dark period of martial law, when thousands were disappeared. Her work both gives her strength and haunts her. I can imagine what my husband might have gone through, she said.

Lee Ming-che kept his human rights work low key. Supporters believe he may have been targeted after speaking openly on Chinese messaging service WeChat about Taiwanese democracy.

The values and beliefs that my husband holds and spreads would not be charged in any democratic or civilised country, said Lee.

She broke down describing how he had tried to help the poverty-stricken families of Chinese activists, imprisoned for their beliefs.

At least I know my husband is alive, she said. Others who disappear dont receive the same media attention and they might be in more danger. When I realise how severe the situation in China is, its hard to stay calm.

Lee has approached the United Nations Committee on Enforced Disappearances for help.

Her husbands case has been complicated by Taiwans lack of international clout and by frozen diplomatic ties between Taipei and Beijing over Taiwanese President Tsai Ing-wens refusal to endorse Chinas view that the self-governed island and mainland are part of a single Chinese nation.

Taiwans government maintains it is working behind the scenes to resolve Lees case, but local NGOs argue they could do more.

Mrs Lee is already standing so strongwe need support from the government, not only to just keep it low key, said E-Ling Chiu, head of the Taiwan Association for Human Rights.

Many fear Lee may have fallen foul of a harsh new Chinese law to monitor and control foreign-funded NGOs, enforced earlier this year as part of a crackdown on civil society.

The environment for foreign and domestic human rights NGOs had become treacherous, said Maya Wang an Asia researcher with Human Rights Watch.

The case of Mr Lee fits within the greater pattern of a new trend of the Chinese government targeting activists, dissidents, or even scholars based abroad, she said. All of these cases deserve equal press and attention.

However, Lee may also have become a pawn in internal Chinese politics by factions opposed to President Xi Jinpings perceived mild approach to Taiwan, ventured Michael Cole, a Taipei-based political analyst.

It would be difficult for Xi to back down while demonstrating strength over Taiwan, he said. Equally, Tsai had to tread cautiously.

It would not serve Mr Lees interests if she came out guns blazing. Ultimately his case is part of something thats much bigger.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/apr/28/wife-of-taiwan-activist-seized-china-pleads-for-release-lee-ming-che

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Stiff Bull aphrodisiac coffee slapped with FDA warning

 (Stiff Bull)

This Malaysian coffee is no bull.

Stiff Bull, a coffee produced overseas that claims it will improve mens libido and sexual performance, has been slapped with a warning from the Food and Drug Administration for containing an unlisted ingredient: desmethyl carbodenafil.

That hard-to-pronounce chemical is similar to the active ingredient sildenafil in Viagra. Like Viagra, desmethyl carbodenafil can have adverse interactions when consumed with nitrates, which are found in many prescription drugs for conditions like diabetes, heart disease and other illnesses. It can also lower blood-pressure levels to what the agency declares to be dangerous levels.

Stiff Bull Coffee is also infused with herbal ingredients like tongkat ali, maca root and guarana. The producer claims that the herbs naturally enhance a man’s hormones and can stimulate a natural erection lasting up to three days. 

Stiff Bull has since disputed the FDA’s claim, saying that there was a mix-up of ingredients.

Speaking to Indy 100, Stiff Bulls president Keith Hanson said that the problem was a combination of things one, the manufacturer of the coffee, located in Malaysia, had lots of different formulas, and hed been importing his coffee in the US for 10 years. There were never any substances found. 

Instead, Hanson said, the manufacturer began to add desmethyl carbodenafil to offset the cost of the Maca Root and the Tongkat Ali, without his knowledge.

The company has not said whether the FDA’s warning has had an adverse effect on sales of the coffee. According to The Daily Mail, more than 200,000 men in the U.S. order a shipment of the beverage each month. 

The FDA, which identified the item during an inspection of international mail shipments, recently added the beverage to its list of Tainted Sexual Enhancement Products. The agency has warned consumers about almost three dozen products this year as a series of items have been found to include undeclared ingredients meant to enhance sexual function but were instead unlisted on the packaging and possibly harmful for users.

Though the product is not banned, the FDA is now encouraging health care professionals and patients “to report adverse events or side effects related to the use of this product” to the agency’s MedWatch Safety Information and Adverse Event Reporting Program.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2016/09/29/fda-stiff-bull-coffee-can-reduce-blood-pressure-to-dangerous-levels/

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The Liberating Art of LGBTQ Prisoners: Why Curating On The Inside Was Very Personal For Tatiana von Frstenberg

On The Inside, a huge survey of art created by LGBTQ prisoners, features passionate images of joy, sex, and strength, alongside piercing personal testimonies. “>

What is striking about On The Inside, a group art show of works by LGBTQ prisoners at the Abrons Arts Centre on New Yorks Lower East Side, is how tender, even romantic, the images are.

There are few images of incarceration or suffering, and instead many images of magical fairies, gender-blurring beauties, muscular bodies, love, sexiness, warriors, prayer, figures of faith, and iconic heroes. 4,000 images were submitted from LGBTQ prisoners all over the US, with 450 selected for the final show.

Around these images are printed the writings of the prisoners who created the art sent in letters alongside their works to exhibition curator Tatiana von Frstenberg (full disclosure: she is the daughter of Diane von Frstenberg, who is married to Barry Diller, chairman of IAC, which owns the Daily Beast). Von Frstenberg made a donation for each work of art to the participants; their first names or initials are attached to the works.

Some images are simple, others more elaborate and colorful. The images were created mostly on letter-sized paper, using dull pencils, and ball-point pen ink tubes (the hard shell is deemed too dangerous). One picture of a line-up of prisoners features a woman among the men; a sea of faces is broken by the presence of a nude body held aloft; a gorgeous, muscular body has a non-gender specific face; Bruce B.s The Wandering Mind features a woman in repose; James L.s features a spotlit owl.

As you linger over the images, the captions–which provide a moving snapshot of the added layer of harassment, prejudice, and discrimination LGBTQ inmates experience when incarcerated–prove piercing.

One of the male guards liked to sit four feet away and watch me shave my body and shower when he was on duty, writes Paula W. Hed ask me what I would do for him if I asked him for anything. Another guard that escorted me to the doctors office said, I bet you enjoyed that after my prostate exam.

I have been stripped of all my property, clothing, mat, and left to sleep on a steel bunk in 30-degree weather, writes Felicity. Ive been harassed time and time again for my identity, being a flamboyant fem gay. But still I stand, I wont bend and I wont break. I am proud of who I am, I carry myself with gay pride 24/7.

I just cant understand why our proud American culture is accepting of our inhumane, undignified prison system, writes Tony W. It is insane to treat people horribly for years, then return them to society. Ive become wise, yet pissed off.

Im a happy gay man, but have a lot of problems with other inmates so I lose myself in drawing, writes Ronnie S.

I have been locked up for the past 23 years, writes Jimmy W. I told my brothers and sisters that I was gay, and till this day I have yet to receive mail from them. But I feel great and love myself.

Not all is grim. I had several relationships in prison and had the best sex I can possibly imagine, writes Cheyenne. My favorite part of the day was lockdown. We would make out until the count, thats when the real fun started.

One image features a heavily muscled guy holding another slighter guy: Familiar acts are beautiful through love, its caption reads. A set of portraits include nudes, Nelson Mandela, a couple holding one another, fairies and humans with butterfly wings. There are hunks in leather and a self-explanatory picture entitled, Gay Pandas Fucking, and then a stunning portrait of a beautiful, bearded man.

Inside and outside prison walls, art has always been the freedom only a higher being can bring, writes Yenniel H. My mind, hands and pencil combine to express something greater than myself.

A religious section includes images of God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary, and a caption by Ziva: I used to think that prayer was sorta stupid, praying to someone you cant even see. But now after experiencing it I see why people get on their knees to do it.

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Abraham Lincoln feature on a wall of heroes, alongside superheroes, and then in a central blocked-off area, the size of a solitary confinement room, even more explicit images of penises and vaginas.

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Sitting inside this solitary confinement room, von Frstenberg reveals how she compiled the show over almost five years. She made contact with the prisoners through the LGBTQ prisoner support organization, Black and Pink, which she describes as like a family, a wonderful organization.

The results of a survey of LGBTQ prisoners experiences conducted by Black and Pinkaround issues including parole and gender and sexual identity–are printed on the walls of the solitary confinement room.

The 46-year-old Von Frstenberg said the idea for the show came as she was beginning a 30-day period, each day performing a pledge of love. Her idea, to have a prisoner pen-pal, became the seed of the exhibition when her online research led her to the Black and Pink website.

The long gestation of the show, she says, was ideal as she suffers from a debilitating muscle condition, Myotonia congenita, and has done since she was a young girl. The nature of thisvon Frstenberg has just suffered an excruciating flare-up, which led to her mother buying her a scooter so she could work on setting up the showmeans she must conserve her energy, and work at her own speed.

Its the inability to relax, she says of her experience of the condition. Its a decreased ability to relax out of contraction. If I sneeze I cant open my eyes. If I use my strength, my muscles jam and lock. My muscles are always damaged, and I have an inability to recover from damaged muscles. But my muscles are always getting damaged, so Im in a lot of pain. Everything hurts.

Von Frstenberg grew up in New York, the daughter of Diane and her first husband Prince Egon of Frstenberg, which makes her a princess-in-name. She is extremely down-to-earth, intensely thoughtful and committed to her work, and dressed in light, casual clothes deliberately chosen so as not to hang heavily on her body. She is close to her older brother Alexander (were connected, were both Aquarians), born the year before her.

Suffering from the muscle condition all her life has made von Frstenberg reflect on how biology informs ones identity. One reason I relate to this show is that I believe biology informs ones entire personality. I never played as a kid. I couldnt. I always had to be in a seated position observing, reflecting. I did really well at school. I got into Brown University at 16. I generated ideas, stories, because I never participated in any physical activity whatsoever.

I felt like an outsider. As a disabled woman, I feel marginalized. I don't have fear of mortality. When you live with chronic illness you imagine a release. I want to be alive, but I don't want to be in pain. The pain is really intense.

It must have been strange to grow up, feeling like that, in the whirl of fashion and the fashionable, I say.

It was really weird, von Frstenberg says. I cant actually wear the clothes, but more than that I cant relate to the aspirational-woman model. I have to emerge from within because my limitations make me. I cant decide to be something and chase that, because it doesnt work for me.

Her family has been supportive, she says.

My mom has learned a lot from me and I think I have been her teacher in a lot of ways. She really gets me, she can tap in to it. Were super-close and shes super-respectful of me. She can feel me. With the scooter, shes such a savior. Im usually bedridden for a few days when Im in crisis, which is very isolating. This will really help me. Next time Im in crisis, which happens quite frequently, Ill use it.

Von Frstenberg wasnt diagnosed with Myotonia congenita until she was 21. I overcompensated a lot as a kid. I really struggled to keep up. It was thought I was acting up, different, eccentric, my teachers thought I was rebellious. I really wasnt. I was late getting to class because of my condition.

My grandmother lived at home with us. She was a Holocaust survivor, and had osteoporosis resulting from malnutrition. She didnt know why I liked lying on her bed with her and talking, so I did have company. She was very bright and encouraged me in psychological, philosophical, and critical thinking.

The diagnosis wasnt just a relief, it meant she could teach myself not to teach myself to hurt myself to keep up with those who were able-bodied. I don't like to look in mirrors. My physical body holds me down. I kind of like to deny it. I connect to my heart and mind.

She didn't know going to beach could be fun until really recently because I used to go to hold everyones shoes and bags. Its really hard to grow up different.

However, she insists she is no "tragic figure." Her personal transformation, as von Frstenberg puts it, began six years ago when she began writing. Her parents were creative, and her 16-year-old daughter Antonia has applied to go to art school.

As a parent, suffering as she was and unable to do what most parents do with their children, von Frstenberg found honesty with Antonia was best. I had strict boundaries because of my limitations. As a result, Antonia is very compassionate and thoughtful, and independent.

Von Frstenberg describes her own sexuality as fluid. At the end of her college years she fell in love with film-maker Francesca Gregorini, who she later made the film Tanner Hall with. Von Frstenberg was with Antonias father, actor and writer Russell Steinberg, for eleven years.

She is single at the moment, and focused on her "wellness." Living in Los Feliz in Los Angeles, she is happy to be surrounded by loved ones and friends.

My dad was gay, she says. He had a lot of internalized homophobia early on, and had a really hard time coming out to me initially. He got better with it. Growing up in the fashion world meant I was basically raised by the LGBTQ community entirely. They were the only people I could really relate to.

She recalls being 8 and 9, during the dark days of the AIDS epidemic. I saw everybody getting sick and I was young. I lost a lot of friends. That completely traumatized me. People were whispering things behind my back, not telling me because I was a kid. I wanted to offer my love but I wasn't allowed to.

I saw so much shame. I saw so much hiding: the dyeing of hair, the wearing of suits, changing your look not to disclose your status, a faade–and to have that internalized shame of being ill and I think I internalized the shame of being ill too. She pauses. That was an epidemic, and there is also a hidden epidemic of LGBTQ prisoners.

The isolation von Frstenberg felt because of her illness means she identifies strongly with the experiences of the prisoners whose work she has curated.

She talks about the kid who hadnt come out to his family messing around with a guy in what turned out to be a stolen car. He was arrested, and called his mom, who he hasnt heard from since. Another trans woman has been for years, without even having a trial.

The misconception created by the media is to make everyone in jail seem really dangerous, when in fact the prison population would be massively reduced if they decriminalized sex work, or stopped arresting under-18s, or stopped jailing people for the technical violations of probation. A lot of crime is poverty-incited. Von Frstenberg decries those agencies and businesses who financially profit from incarceration.

The 4,000 works of art came in spurts over the last few years, von Frstenberg says. She was struck by the feeling of worthlessness expressed in the letters, being forgotten, not mattering. The other side is, through this show, being remembered. The exhibition, having their work shown, their work being wanted, restored their faith in humanity. I dont want people to think of this as outsider art though. These are artists who are currently incarcerated. Think of it otherwise and it becomes horribly exploitative.

After the show, von Frstenberg plans to continue working on her autobiographical graphic novel, My Summer, Unapologetic, set when she was a teenager wrestling with her disability, and on holiday with her dad and brother in the Mediterranean. Its a coming of age tale for all of us: my dad comes out in it, and my family breaks up and comes back together. (Her father died in 2004, aged 57, of complications arising from liver cirrhosis and Hepatitis C, she says; she does not know if he was HIV positive.)

Von Frstenberg and I finish our talk by surveying the pictures of celebrities prisoners have submitted. They include images of Marilyn Monroe (made ingeniously from Kool-Aid and an asthma inhaler), Michael Jackson, Robin Williams, and a set of particularly memorable images of Rihanna. (Hurrah, no Kardashians.) Theyre figures who have fought back, been persecuted, survived or endured demons, says von Frstenberg: They are vulnerable and assertive.

Michael Jackson was so misunderstood, so I drew him because I understood, writes Marvin D.

Surveying the art, von Frstenberg says exhibition visitors will be able to send text messages to the prisoners whose work is on show. What I hope is that people realize the enormous amount of talent, complexity, and culture of LGBTQ people within prison. You cant stereotype and forget them. I want people to be wowed by the quality of the work, and the voices of these people to be heard.

Before I leave, I read two more of the artists captions.

As a gay child I was accepted openly by my grandparents, writes Christopher R. Its a shame not everyone is accepted for who they are.

It shouldnt matter if society doesnt accept us, writes Joseph B. Who are they to judge and look down upon us? They are no better than usthe same God that put them here, put us here too. Now I am open about my sexuality, and I encourage you to do the same and experience true freedom. If no one told you that they love you, I am telling that I love you, OK?

On The Insideis on show at the Abrons Arts Centre, 466 Grand St, New York, NY 10002, until December 18.

Read more: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/11/06/the-liberating-art-of-lgbtq-prisoners-why-curating-on-the-inside-was-very-personal-for-tatiana-von-f-rstenberg.html

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Plain cigarette packaging could drive 300,000 Britons to quit smoking

Review by research organisation Cochrane suggests impact of UKs ban on branded packs could echo results seen in Australia

Plain cigarette cartons featuring large, graphic health warnings could persuade 300,000 people in the UK to quit smoking if the measure has the effect it had in Australia, scientists say.

Standardised cigarette packaging will be compulsory in the UK from 20 May. A new review from the independent health research organisation Cochrane on the impact of plain packaging around the world has found that it does affect the behaviour of smokers.

In the UK, the tobacco industry has become increasingly innovative in the design of cigarette packets as other controls on sales and advertising have taken hold, according to Ann McNeill, professor of tobacco addiction at Kings College London. The tobacco industry has been focusing its efforts on the tobacco packs, she said.

Among those that will be banned are vibrant pink packets, targeted at young women, and gimmicky cartons that slide rather than flip open. The rules that come into force next month require all packs to look alike, with graphic health warnings across 65% of their surface.

The Cochrane reviewers found 51 studies that looked at standardised packaging and its impact on smokers, but only one country had implemented the rule fully at the time. Australia brought in plain packs in 2012.

Analysing the evidence from Australia, the team found a reduction in smoking of 0.5% up to one year after the policy was introduced. According to the Australian government, that translates to 100,000 people no longer smoking. The decline was attributable specifically to plain packaging, after taking into account the continuing drop in the numbers of smokers caused by other tobacco control measures.

Dr Jamie Hartmann-Boyce of the Cochrane tobacco addiction group at Oxford Universitys Nuffield Department of Primary Care Health Sciences said: We are not able to say for sure what the impact would be in the UK, but if the same magnitude of decrease was seen in the UK as was observed in Australia, this would translate to roughly 300,000 fewer smokers following the implementation of standardised packaging.

The review found signs that more people were trying to quit smoking as a result of plain cartons, rising from 20.2% before to 26.6% after introduction. There was also evidence that standardised packs were less attractive to those who did not smoke, making it less likely that they would start.

However, the researchers say variations in the way countries are introducing standardised packs may affect the outcomes. Some allow different colours, slightly different carton shapes and the use of descriptive words such as gold or smooth.

Cancer Research UK backs plain packaging. Smoking kills 100,000 people in the UK every year, so we support any effective measure which can help reduce this devastating impact. The evidence shows that standardised packaging works and helps to reduce smoking rates, said George Butterworth, the charitys tobacco policy manager.

Its too soon to see the impact in the UK, as the new legislation will only be fully implemented in May, but we hope to see similar positive results as the UK strives towards a day when no child smokes tobacco. Cancer Research UK is continuing to evaluate the impact of standardised packaging in the UK and will share the lessons with other countries who are considering introducing them.

Simon Clark, director of the smokers group Forest, said the idea that plain packaging would have an impact on the number of smokers in the UK was based on hope and anecdotal evidence.

Since plain packaging was introduced in Australia, smoking rates have fallen, but only in line with historical trends, he said. Its grasping at straws to credit plain packaging with the continued reduction in smoking rates, because the most significant anti-smoking measure in recent years in Australia has been a massive increase in tobacco taxation. Like graphic health warnings, the novelty of plain packaging quickly wears off.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/business/2017/apr/27/plain-cigarette-packaging-could-drive-300000-britons-to-quit-smoking

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This Coffee Might Just Work Better Than Viagra

Stiff Bull Herbal Coffee is a Malaysian-based company selling an instant herbal coffee powder that it says is designed to improve male sexual performance. The coffee contains exotic ingredients such as  tongkat ali, a purported aphrodisiac native to Malaysia and vicinity; maca root, a South American plant related to broccoli that may also have libido-enhancing properties; and guaraná, another South American plant, whose seeds contain about twice the caffeine of coffee beans.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/10/18/this-coffee-might-just-work-better-than-viagra.html