12 Hilarious Failures At Sex Pill Package Design

Selling sexual enhancement pills sounds like the easiest job in the world. You take an explosive adjective, throw it on a box covered in naked people, and BAM! It’s time to start deciding how to spend your profits.

Except it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes, when you’re focusing all your energy on putting out a dubious “sexual enhancement” product, you can’t be bothered to design packaging that makes any kind of sense and/or doesn’t look like the pictorial equivalent of a ransom note.

#12. Stree Overlord Will Let You Bone Like A Street Fighter Character

We haven’t played Street Fighter in a long time, but we’re pretty sure no button combination in existence will produce this result:

Now you know why Blanka is smiling on the Super Nintendo cover.

Despite being a brand of penile supplements, Stree Overlord has the name and the mastery of English of a shitty Street Fighter II bootleg, and it will improve your sex life exactly as much. The box art, meanwhile, is pure “DeviantArt with the NSFW filters off” (in fact, we wouldn’t be surprised if they lifted it from there). Oh, and that’s a leg in the foreground, by the way; using Stree Overlord has not (yet) been proven to cause gigantic penises to erupt from the ground like the monsters from Tremors.

But don’t worry. They came up with a fake history for their dick-swelling pills which reads like an entry from a middle school boy’s wish fulfillment journal:

This unregulated penis supplement has more plot than Street Fighter V.

The official site, meanwhile, only mentions that Stree Overlord was developed by the prestigious “Shenglong Medecine Biology Research Center” (fittingly, Sheng Long means “Rising Dragon Punch”). At least we can all agree that this is a more respectful adaptation than the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.

#11. iScream Is Hauntingly Obsessed With Making Women Scream

Ladies! Do you hate making normal sex noises? Do you want your neighbors to think that you’re being murdered on a roller coaster? Do you want orgasms so potent that you’ll forget how to spell “orgasms?” If so, good news: iScreams are the pills for you!

Although judging by the photos, this could easily be a powerful laxative.

iScream is what happens when Big Pharma has a graphics budget of $0.50 because they hired Eli Roth to write the ad copy. “It’s time to scream … in bed …” sounds like the chilling promise of a serial killer. It doesn’t get any better when you visit their Amazon listing and discover that it consists of little more than stock photos of screaming women, which only seems to confirm their “violent felon” demographic.

“Hey, this looks like my Pinterest board!” — a person you should avoid

#10. Big PENIS Cuts Straight To The Point

Sup, bro? How’s it hanging? If you said “not sufficiently,” then we’ve got a solution for you! All you have to do is choke down a big penis.

Pro tip: If saliva isn’t doing the trick, try washing it down with jelly.

It’s a crazy, messed-up world when the most honest advertising we’ve seen in decades comes from the world of shifty pill vendors. There’s no misunderstanding of what you get from using Big PENIS. There’s no delightful wordplay involving euphemisms like “Solid Oak,” or “Iron Rod,” or “Dense Pencil.” You’re getting a Big PENIS. And not just any Big PENIS. No, Big PENIS comes in an austere metallic box that looks like the slipcase for a Terminator 2 DVD, complete with the flag of the United States. Because thanks to Big PENIS, your junk can now be used as a flagpole, apparently.

Make Big Penis Great Again.

#9. French Ladies Will Flood Your Vagina With “Exiting Water”

The name “French Ladies” brings to mind elegance, class, and sophistication. The packaging does absolutely none of those things, and indeed, only seems interested in reminding women that vaginas exist. You know, in case they forgot.

This is what Jack from Titanic‘s finished drawing would have looked like if he hadn’t died.

However, this product does promise users something called “super constrict vagina,” which is a phrase that demands further investigation. The words “exiting water” only compound the mystery, seemingly suggesting that this is medication for a urinary tract infection. Let’s see how the description checks out:

Uh, so this pill makes you spray “vagina juice” like a fire hose for 20 minutes? There’s an off switch though, right? Let’s keep reading.

Because loud, semiconscious moaning is never a sign of excruciating pain or impending death.

OK, so is this a date rape drug? Because it sure sounds like a date rape drug.

#8. We Really, Really Hope Big Brother Is An Orwell Reference

To its credit, Big Brother doesn’t promise to turn your junk into a monster or transform your sperm into chocolate milk. They’re simply good ol’ fashioned dick extenders.

“Fun for the whole family!”

It’s just … the name, guys. It raises more questions than these pills ever will penises. Why would you ever call your sex drug “Big Brother”? Did the final name come down to a choice between that and “My Sister Is DTF”? If so, why?

Or perhaps we’re misreading this. It’s not incest; it’s a commentary on the surveillance state and how Big Government (a much better name, to be honest) is destroying our privacy. That would explain why there’s a surveillance camera in the top-left corner of the box.

“Slower …”

#7. Daniel Craig And Barack Obama Are Secret Agents Of Male Enhancement

Seeing as how Daniel Craig has reportedly retired from being James Bond, this’d be a great time for him to capitalize on his smoldering looks and get into the penis pill business. Unless, as God Of War suggests, he already did that years ago.

Not that this wouldn’t be in character for Bond.

We can’t blame him. It’s a good career move. After all, what other celebrity has the raw sexual magnetism to spearhead their own line of male enhancements?

“Obama. Aobama.”

That’s fucking right: Barack Obama. These pills were recovered during a drug raid in Pakistan, making this the first time he’s ever deployed a deadly weapon on a civilian population that wasn’t fired from a drone. They could probably do with a rebranding, however. We’d suggest Cum-ander In Chief, and maybe getting some better pictures instead of plagiarizing artwork from a Spider-Man comic.

We mean, there are multiple pornographic Obama manga to choose from.

And while we’re on the subject of superheroes …

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_23934_12-insane-attempts-at-marketing-sex-pills-to-internet.html

Chlo Grace Moretz Calls The Cops On A Young Suitor Bearing Sweets!

According to TMZ, the Kick-Ass actress totally ignored the young man as he knocked on her door. It’s said the unwanted admirer looked to be about 18-years-old and asked one of Chlo’s neighbors which house was hers. Thankfully, the neighbor didn’t give away any info and instead he chose to grill the youth.

After taking the hint that the blonde stunner wanted NOTHING to do with him, the teen made his escape on his skateboard before the cops arrived. Apparently, the LAPD’s threat management team is now on this case.

We’re not sure what happened to the baked goods, but hopefully Chlo didn’t consume them…

[Image via Instagram.]

Read more: http://perezhilton.com/2017-03-29-chloe-grace-moretz-calls-the-cops-on-young-suitor-bearing-cookies

Happy SeXXXy Easter! Celebs Who’ve Dressed Up As Bunnies Are The Gifts That Keeps On Giving!

Holy SHIT Kate Upton makes one sexy Easter bunny!

The Sports Illustrated stunner donned ears and a fluffy tail for 2013’s LOVE mag Easter commercial — and it really IS more delicious than the various candy filling your baskets today!

Check out other celebs dressed in ears looking sexy AF (below)!

CLICK HERE to view “Happy SeXXXy Easter! Celebs Who’ve Dressed Up As Playboy Bunnies!”

CLICK HERE to view “Happy SeXXXy Easter! Celebs Who’ve Dressed Up As Playboy Bunnies!”

CLICK HERE to view “Happy SeXXXy Easter! Celebs Who’ve Dressed Up As Playboy Bunnies!”

CLICK HERE to view “Happy SeXXXy Easter! Celebs Who’ve Dressed Up As Playboy Bunnies!”

CLICK HERE to view “Happy SeXXXy Easter! Celebs Who’ve Dressed Up As Playboy Bunnies!”

Read more: http://perezhilton.com/2017-04-16-happy-easter-sexy-celebrity-bunny-kate-upton-gallery

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Can I make my penis bigger?
Even though there are an endless number of methods and drugs that promise results without any justification, it is possible to enlarge your penis with safe and reliable methods within reasonable limits.

» What are the available methods?
Currently, the most disseminated and tested programs are based on exercises. They are divided into first-generation exercises that generally offer good results; second-generation exercises that are basically oriented to developing the corpora cavernosa, and the third-generation exercises, which main advantage is the technique for stretching the penis suspensory ligament, allowing the largest part of the penis to be pulled out of the body and offering good results for both length and girth, including complicated cases and treatments for elderly men.

There are other less recommended methods, such as pills, stretchers, weights, and surgery which do not have any guaranteed results and can cause serious side effects.
» What are the real possibilities for me to enlarge my penis?
Real enlargement possibilities depend on several factors, such as race and the initial size before initiating the program. Generally, the smaller the penis, the bigger are the chances of growth. However, Asians and Caucasians have better chances than Black men. A realistic average perspective for growth would be one inch in length and half an inch in thickness (girth.)
» When would it be considered reasonable to enlarge my penis?
Besides finding out whether there is really a problem, the decision to enlarge your penis is something really personal. There are men who really suffer with the size of their penises, while others do not have any problems and only wish to make it bigger. What must be kept in mind is that fifteen million men annually decide to use an enlargement program and 87% of them say they are happy they had made that decision.
» Where can I find a natural enlargement program?
The most modern penis enlargement alternative is the on-line natural program offered by very serious on-line centers, which are extremely serious, effective and accessible.

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Xunnlingus – It's the prescription male enhancement drug that lowers the natural masculine impulses in your DNA and chemically raises hormones responsible for supplication and submission.

Jordan O'Leary

Lynsey Harris

Renae Garcia

Husbands Friends
Xtian Bretz
Alik Griffin

Pickup Runner
Xtian Bretz

Produced by
Xtian Bretz

Written By
Jordan O'Leary

Directed by
Xtian Bretz
Alik Griffin

Director of Photography
Alik Griffin

Concept by
Xtian Bretz

Edited by
Xtian Bretz
Alik Griffin
Kyle Saylor

Special Thanks for locations
Matthew Salsberg
Renae Garcia

Special Thanks to all prescription Male Enhancement Drug commercials for making this happen.