Without a doubt, the most extraordinary person youll read about today is Dennis Marino. And it only takes one look at this marvel to see why he is so special: Despite being dressed head to toe in Tommy Bahama apparel, Dennis is severely depressed.
Wow. Dennis is defying the odds in a way we didnt even know was possible.
Believe it or not, underneath the vibrant, 100-percent silk Hawaiian shirt tailor-made for walking along the beach with a pia colada in hand and your worries thrown to the island breeze, is a man on the edge. If you thought Dennis patterned Tommy Bahama shorts, which are totally at home in the surf or on the boardwalk, implied that hes on top of the world and ready to soak up the sun, the gloomy fog of clinical depression consuming Dennis every waking moment might have you picking your jaw up off the floor like we are. Yes, although Dennis laid-back getup suggests hes a professional spreader-of-toes-in-the-sand, somehow the reality is that hes hardly left his house in months.
How its possible that the only cocktail that someone wearing a tan Tommy Bahama fedora, which is essentially a passport to a world of summer fun, has been tossing back is a mix of prescription psychotropics and SSRIs, well never understand.
The empty bottles of rum back at Dennis duplex may lead you to think hes a fun-loving Carnival Cruise regular, but the rest of his home would prove you wrong: The blinds are closed, the lights are off, and hes often cradling a framed photo of himself with a woman and child who are no longer in his life. Wherever the polar opposite of Margaritaville is, a Tommy Bahama-clad Dennis lives there, alone, and thats incredible.
Well, you dont see this kind of thing every day. Honestly, were still trying to wrap our heads around how his outfit screams aloha! while his face only screams help. Consider our minds blown, Dennis!